IVF Isn’t in the Cards (for now)

I want to update you on the last three months, and let you know where we are on our IVF journey.

To make a long story short, the Lupon didn’t work. My blood work indicated that there was no change in my estrogen levels; therefore, as the endometriosis and fibroids didn’t shrink — IVF (at this time) is not an option.

The news was delivered by Dr. H. Initially, it made me very upset – my thoughts raced… it didn’t work!? No IVF – no baby!? Things never seem to go as you’d like them to in this process – at least not for us!!!

I took a deep breath (okay it was more like 2 or 3) and began to think…there’s nothing we can do about it. We’ve done EVERYTHING possible.

It’s hard to accept that having a biological baby isn’t our near future, but I’m learning. I have to let go of wanting for my own sanity. I have to let go to feel okay. I have to let go because I just have to. It’s not up to me or us. As much as I hate this saying…it is what it is. And that sums it up perfectly.

My husband and I have kept ourselves busy focusing what we CAN do to become parents, which led us to explore foster care. After our research and discussions with a couple who has gone through a similar situation, we decided it could be the right thing for us. We registered for a foster care certification class. And now—10 weeks later— we are almost certified (our last class is Saturday).

Why foster care? Well, we want to be parents. We want to, and have the ability to, open our hearts to a child that needs love, support and a family.

The classes we’ve taken have been transformative. They haven’t been easy – there have been times we’ve wanted to quit. The information can be overwhelming and almost unbelievable. Our eyes have been opened to a reality we’ve never known. These children are in a position which most people never imagined or experienced — to be taken from their parents due to neglect or abuse. We’ve learned so much and the class as become close – like a family. I’m so proud of my classmates and future foster parents. These are amazing, selfless people. They inspire us.

Besides taking classes, we are working with a caseworker and after our class on Saturday we will be getting our certification. We will soon be parenting a child (between the ages of 0-2).

Ultimately, we would like to adopt through this process, but we realize that might not be the case for all the children that we care for. And that’s okay. Our goal is to advocate for them, give them love, consistency and safety. Give them a chance to meet their full potential. Doesn’t every child deserve this?

My husband and I are looking forward to where fostering takes us as a family. We are looking forward to making a difference in the lives of children and in our community.

I’ll keep you updated. We could have a placement as soon as the next few weeks or months.

As always, thank you for your love and support. What a journey. And another begins…

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up…

My husband and I had our appointment with Dr. H yesterday afternoon.

As we followed Dr. H to her office, I was feeling anxious because I wasn’t 100% sure if we wanted to continue or stop treatment, but she has a calming way about her which made me feel better. She invited us to sit and chat. She got out my records and went over her notes.

She said things were better than anticipated and that despite the IUIs rendering unsuccessful I had responded perfectly to Femara. I said that’s good news, but as we discussed before, I think there’s an issue with my left tube – either from a birth defect or inflammation/scaring from the ectopic and surgery. She said – she agreed with me about my tube – the shape does not look normal. So if there’s an issue with my tube IUI is not the way to go. Then she asked if we wanted to move on to IVF?

I told her I wasn’t sure if I could move forward. I looked over at my husband (knowing in my heart he wanted to do IVF again). He was quiet.

I told her I’m tired. She said – she didn’t blame me for feeling that way, and said she doesn’t know how her patients find the strength to continue over and over with the process.

Then my husband spoke up and told Dr. H that he doesn’t want to do IVF unless she can guarantee us a 50% chance of success. I had to giggle – the chance of success is not even 50% for a woman who’s 25. He cracks me up, but at least he’s there with me trying to understand and partaking in the discussion. He’s looking out for me – for us. And, of course, he wants IVF to work. It’s been a stressful and emotional three and a half years.

Dr. H says she cannot guarantee us any success at all. At least she’s honest. Like I’ve said before…fertility treatments are a gamble. IVF is not a magic bullet, but if we give up now we may regret it in the future – so we will press on and give IVF another shot. The cost is not small $7,000 plus medications (typically $3,000 a cycle as insurance does not cover). I can’t begin to total up how much we’ve already spent on fertility treatments. But it’s just money, right?

On a side note – did you know age 55 is the cut off for IVF? It’s not that much of a surprise to me because a woman at my work recently had twins and she’s 51! No doubt she used donor eggs. What a blessing. She had breast cancer in her mid-30s to 40s and was unable to have children at that time. I’m glad it worked out for her.

For the next three months (starting next week), I’ll be on Lupron to shrink the endometriosis and fibroids. Dr. H wants to avoid surgery. I’ve been on this medication before, but not such a large dose. Lupron shuts down your monthly cycle and tricks your body into thinking you’re in menopause (I can’t say that I’m looking to mood swings and hot flashes – my husband isn’t either!)

I plan to get in the best shape emotionally (yoga and meditation classes) and physically (in addition to working out with our trainer, I might start running again! Plus, I will continue with my monthly massages) to prepare for our IVF cycle. The cycle will most likely take place late fall or early winter. Nothing like a holiday time cycle to make you oh so cheerful (just like last year).

Thanks for everyone’s encouraging comments, emails, trips out for cocktails, pedicures and shopping, understanding and overall support. You help me stay strong and on track!
XO

Undecided

Tomorrow, we are meeting with Dr. H at 3 p.m. to discuss next steps. Something inside me is telling me that it’s time to stop. I’m really tired. 


I know it’s only been since April that we started with our new doctor, but I’ve been in treatment for years now and I’m exhausted physically and emotionally.  
 

I talked to my husband – he says whatever I want to do is fine with him. I don’t want to feel like I’m letting him down (or myself). I thought I could fight and fight, but I feel like surrendering. 


It’s difficult to feel disappointed and sad each month – draining. I hate feeling like a failure. If I give up will I be letting our family down? 

I’ll let you know what comes out of our meeting with Dr. H.  I could feel differently tomorrow – some days I think I can continue, and others not so much. 

Thank you for your support. I’ll keep you posted!

On to Next Cycle

Sadly the IUI didn’t work.  Moving on to next cycle but I’m unsure if we should do another IUI.  May move on to IVF again.  Will keep you posted!  Xo

Cycle Three Update

Typically, I update you on cycle day 1; however, I’m a little late — it’s already day 8 and yesterday was my last day taking Femara (days 3-7).

This cycle, my side-effects from the medication included: headaches (and I don’t think this was just from the three glasses of wine I had Friday night), sweating (especially night sweats) and breakouts all over my forehead (thank god for Shear Cover concealer). I’m glad to be done with the medicine (for now).

I have my midcycle appointment with Dr. H on Thursday at 3:15. We will see if things progressed better than last month. Fingers crossed for follicles on the left side. If we do the IUI this month, it will most likely take place on Saturday (June 15).

Besides the fertility stuff, I’ve been keeping busy with work, friends and family.

Thanks for everyone’s continued support! : ) XOXO